The Most Epic Self Insert in History
by rey1119
Summary: Not just your run-of-the-mill self insert! Actually in all fairness it probably is. Join me (Rey) on a totally predictable journey as I proceed to get everything I ever want with artificial stakes that only serve to make my gary stu of a character seem more cool. Nearly every fictional property is present in this wacky world of mine. From Marvel to DC, and CN to Nickolodion.


The Most Epic Self-Insert in History.

Prologue: THE ACCEDENT

It was by most accounts a perfect spring day. It was warm without being hot, a nice breeze accentuated the change in seasons, and the clouds existed only to complement the strikingly blue sky. It seemed impossible that something horrible could be happening, how could it, on such a fine day? But something terrible did happen, and it could be summed up in five grim words. "You are going to die."

'Details are important for context, everything has to have a meaning.' He thought this as he lie on a hospital bed. He was a wreck, broken would be an apt description of his body. He took a second to think about what the doctor had just told him, and why he was here in the first place.

The Devil's in the details, and one detail of the accident that he was in no hurry to forget is that when things go south, they go south fast. It was pure insanity, it all started when he exited the convenience store as he'd done countless times before, everything was so routine that there was no chance for him to react when the truck veered off-road, there wasn't even a second as the grill of the eighteen wheeler seemed to float toward him, and suddenly there was pain beyond pain. He felt himself tear and break and slide across hard cement and the taste of blood filled his mouth as the truck speed by. His legs would not move, he couldn't feel them, his arms seemed to scream in agony, robbing him of breath.

He looked up at the doctor who looked pained and watery eyed. He couldn't talk, it didn't seem like he could muster the strength to do such a thing. "You're bleeding, inside your head. We can't operate without risking killing you ourselves, I'm sorry." The doctor explained. The man didn't blame the doctor, who looked like he'd rather be pulling his own hair out than telling him these things.

There was so much to think about, so many questions left unanswered but the man didn't last long after that. In just a few short moments he had gone, leaving everything behind as the world faded to darkness and the last sound to fall on his ears was a beeping from the heart monitor.

'Beep-Beep-Beep-Beep' the noise continued. He furrowed his brow. He wished the noise would stop, wasn't everything supposed to stop making noise when you died? Annoyed that the beeping continued he groaned but then, stopped. He wasn't in pain anymore! Slowly, ever so slowly, he opened his eyes.

He was now in a room he had never seen before. He lie under impossibly soft covers as he observed the fairly large room, the beige walls awash in the amber light of sunrise. Something wasn't right though, something about his body he couldn't quite put his finger on. He brought up his hands to his face and screamed in alarm.

Chapter 2: THE OLD AND NEW YOU.

He wasn't himself, these weren't his hands. He used the extremity to feel his face and the first thing he noted was the long straight hair that hung over his face in a messy fringe, something he didn't have before. He was also thinner overall than he once was, he also thought he was a bit shorter as well he found out as he climbed out of the bed he had been lying in, the velvety covers sliding off of him.

The room was roughly square shaped, with the bed in the middle pressed against the wall. There were two doors on either side, the door to the the left had a glowing sign above that read 'closet' and the door on the right was unmarked but he assumed it led out of the room.

There was a cabinet next to the bed with a window behind it, it was white and seemed to be made of a glossy material made of seemingly plastic or metal, it reflected the sunlight gently. The window had pull shades that were closed but did not completely block the light from outside. On the top of this cabinet were a few objects he assumed belonged to him or whoever he was now. One was a elongated wooden stick, another was a pair of blue tinted shades, there was also; a thin billfold, a complicated looking wristwatch and a slip of folded paper and a lamp.

He picked up the paper and unfolded it.

"Dear Rey Spartan, We are delighted to tell you that the experimental procedure was a success. Monitors detected brainwave activity and after a good night's rest you'll be back to your old self. If there are any questions or concerns feel free to reach out to us. The new you is on us. -ZAMNS"

After re-reading the note a few more times and becoming even more confused each time her did, he decided to open the drawer and inside were even more bits and bobs he did not recognize. Tired of standing around semi-nude, he walked over to the closet.

A more apt description would be 'personal mall' rather than simply 'closet.' half a dozen racks of pants, shirts, jackets and more were lined up on either side of the wall. At the end of the closet there was a glowing blue mannequin with clothes on with the words "Outfit of the day" circling above it's head like a halo. As he got closer he saw that the figure wasn't entirely opaque, it was slightly transparent like blown glass and flickered imperceptibly. He touched the shirt it was wearing, and was surprised that the shirt nearly leapt into his hand, going right through the mannequin! It was then that he found that his hand passed right though the mannequin but he could remove articles of clothes from it with ease.

He wore the mannequin's outfit, a black t-shirt and some sort of pants that were like jeans, but were tight to the skin yet were comfortable and breathed like he was wearing nothing at all. He skipped the hat and rings though. He emerged from the closet feeling slightly better now that he has some admittedly comfortable clothes on. He now set his sights on the other door and made his way over.

For a while, he stood at the door. What would await him outside it, he wondered and he took a longways glance at the closed window he had been too afraid to open. He took a deep breath and flung the door open. He expected a living room the size of a house with glowing mannequins everywhere but was even more confused by the doors that dotted either side of the hall for several feet both to his left and right. Down at the farthest end of the hallway his right was a large glass door, but it was slightly too far away for him to see outside of it. It had occurred to him that he might be in a hotel of some sort. Adjusting the shades on the bridge of his nose he ventured forward, noting in his head the number of the room he resided. Room 19.

A little more purposefully, he pushed the door open and a wonderful, grand city filled his vision. At first the sunshine was dazzling, but in time his eyes adjusted to the unbelievable vista of a wondrous bright and vivid city. In his past life, he had never been to big cities like New York, but he was sure this put even that to shame. There was never anything like this on the earth he knew.

Even after the ridiculous closet with the glowing mannequin, it was honestly hard to believe. He stood on a wide pathway that led from the large gray tower like building he had just came out of to another large tower like building that had roads and paths that seemed to protrude from each and every side from top to bottom. He looked down, but immediately regretted doing so, it was a seemingly endless trip to the bottom from the looks of it, illuminated by the countless lights that dotted the buildings.

Rey stumbled and fell backward and landed on his bottom, surrounded on all sides by these tower-like buildings with their roads and bridges spun wide like colossal spider webs of concrete and steel. He gazed upward and saw at the very top of some of the buildings, there were large platforms that connected to each other, squinting he could see the verdant green of shimmering leaves which meant that there must be trees growing atop these towering pillars. Not long after he had come to this realization that another astonishing thing caught his eye.

Rey gasped as he saw the variety of people walking around. He stood to see that there were a few humans and humanoids, but other than that were animal like people of all shapes and sizes, what looked like robots also were present, as well as small furry critters and what looked like miniature oddly colored horses. Some of these beings didn't look like they belonged to any category he was familiar with. Winged creatures flew overhead and vehicles of many makes and models drove and flew by speedily.

Rey's head was spinning with all that he saw and he took a few steps forward to take in more of this world. Suddenly something small, blue and gray seemed to appear from nowhere and pelted him in the chest, bowling him over and knocking the breath out of him.

Chapter 2: CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE FURRED KIND

Rey shook his head, and there was something sitting on his chest that made his breathing slow and labored. It was hard to make out with the sunshine in his eyes again but upon closer inspection it had long ears, gray fur and amethyst eyes, and wore a sort of blue uniform that reminded him of the police back in the old world. It didn't look happy. Before Rey could gather himself and ask what had happened, the small rabbit person spoke.

"Are you insane?!" She exclaimed. "Don't you know better than you go walking off the edge of the walkway?" She asked. She wasn't even half his size and yet she exuded a kind of authority. When the only response she got was a blank look, she sighed and hopped off his chest. She then pulled out a kind of card which she passed over him like a metal detector. ' _Negative,_ ' it said in a mechanical voice and she shook her head. "Are you alright?"

Rey stumbled through an explanation of what had happened so far, and that he didn't know anything about where he was. At first she seemed skeptical but then her expression softened and she gestured for her to follow him. He was reluctant at first to walk across the platform leading to the other tower, but there didn't seem to be any strong gusts of wind and he slowly worked up the confidence to follow the small bunny woman.

She led him to a large black SUV looking truck parked not too far from where they were. It wasn't parked on the walkway, but instead on a platform adjacent to the walkway, which appeared to be retractable. The passenger door on the car opened but as Rey was about to step inside he noticed a fox sitting the the driver seat looking bemused. "Hey Carrots, you got an ID on the humie about to take your seat?" He said as the rabbit took Rey by the hand and lead him to the back door, which had just opened.

"Yeah Nick, the reader says his name's Rey Spartan. He says he's from another reality or something, I caught him almost taking a dive off a walkway, ran him for drugs but he came up clean," as she explained Nick was staring at him from the rear view mirror skeptically. "Right," Nick replied "And you believe him?" This earned him a reproachful look from the rabbit, meanwhile Rey stared out of the window at a sort of android woman walking down the street followed by a kind of man-bird who seemed to be carrying her shopping.

"Anyway Nick, I just want to take him down to the bio-clinic and get him evaluated. It won't take any time at all," She said. The vehicle's engine roared to life and Rey saw more than felt it lift off of the platform and begin to fly forward, he saw fleetingly that he was right in thinking the round platform that the truck had parked on was retractable as it folded itself back under the walkway.

Not even a whole five minutes into the trip, Rey thought he was going to be sick. The feeling of weightlessness combined with seeing the strange sights of this city whizzing by in a blur of light and motion made him dizzy and nauseous. It was with a great sigh of relief that they reached the clinic not very long after. When Rey's door opened, he half jumped and half fell out of the vehicle glad to be back on somewhat solid ground. "Don't worry, you'll be in and out of here in a jiffy," the bunny woman told him.

That turned out to be entirely untrue as the clinic master sent him to a magic specialist on the other side of town, who in turn sent him to a being known as a grand psycker.

"Sorry for this by the way." Rey said. If the police here were anything like the police back home, he was sure they'd have other things to do today.

"Oh it's no problem!" Judy said from the front seat. "My name is Judy Hopps by the way. Me and my partner Nick here are both here on an assignment. We're actually stationed in a city called Zootopia quite a ways away from here."

"Today was actually our last day before heading back." Nick added. "It was supposed to be patrolling as usual, but it turned into this. No big deal."

"Don't be passive aggressive Nick, it's better than driving around aimlessly," she retorted. "Rey you hungry?"

"Um, yeah, I could eat."

Nick and Judy spent the rest of the ride going back and forth about what they could have spent the day doing, neither of them were serious and it was all in good spirits. They stopped at a restaurant and all got chili cheese fries.

Rey regretted the fries once they were on the move again.

"So you don't remember anything?" Nick asked. Rey had a hard time telling whether Nick was interested or annoyed he cut his and Judy's free time.

"I remember most of who I was before I came here. As much as anyone remembers of their life I think. I got hit by a truck and whoosh, I'm here in this man's body."

"YOU GOT HIT BY A TRUCK?!" Judy exclaimed, nearly dropping her leftover fries. "That must have been horrible."

"No kidding." Nick said, he sounded different this time. No sarcastic tone.

"Hey! It wasn't that bad." He lied. "Adrenaline and all that, didn't feel a thing." He grimaced. "I must have looked a mess though."

He suddenly felt a small hand on his knee. Judy was giving him a reassuring smile.

"For what it's worth, I'm glad you're alright."

He gave her a half-smile in return. "Let's figure out how I got here and who's body this is first. While I appreciate the second chance, I won't take it at someone else's expense."

They finally had arrived the the Grand Psycker's cathedral, who only confirmed the words of the magic specialist and said he had sensed the pull of another world around him and advised him to speak to 'the grand council.' All of this seemed to take around four hours and the sky above the towers was growing orange.

"There's no way he's going to go see the grand council," said Nick. "The wait list only spans about thirty years." Rey looked from Nick to the bunny . "Sorry Kid, Nick's right on this one. The grand council's books are tied up from one end of Homeworld to the next. It's probably not thirty years but it's not something you back book in a week or two. " Rey knew that 'Homeworld' was the name of the planet they were on as he had heard it used by various persons, usually in the phrase. 'He's definitely not from Homeworld at least.'

A whole day spent confirming what he already knew. Rey felt horrible and lost. He had read books in his past life where characters suddenly found themselves in a different world, but it was never like this. He had taken someone's life but had no idea what to do with it, everything was alien to him and he felt like he'd rather be anywhere but here, surrounded by things he couldn't understand and cars he'd rather not ride.

Judy dropped him off back at his apartment and told him to wait there for her to get back to him about what he should do next. He watched them zoom off a little glad to finally be with his own thoughts again, and more than a little happy to be rid of that flying car.

The sun had just set, but Rey didn't feel like settling down. Despite his better judgment he went back outside and began to slowly wander around the walkways, noting landmarks for finding his way back. He observed some people walking by; a feline man with fluffy ears and whiskers, an android woman wearing a tank top and sweatpants, a little group of the small horses each one a different color, and suddenly a hologram of a woman hovered in front of him, waving an arm to grab his attention.

Chapter 3: GUIDENCE

The hologram didn't seem to be projected from anywhere in particular, it's semi-transparent form floating only a few inches from where Rey's face, all one foot of her. "Are you lost?" It asked in a chipper voice. Rey slowly shook his head, but then quickly nodded it. A few tidbits about where he was wouldn't hurt. "You are currently in Atlanta, a city in the state of Georgia which is a Provence in the U.R, formally known as the United Republic of Pangaea one of the super continents of Homeworld," It explained.

This statement surprised him. He knew about Georgia, although he had never been there. "Excuse me but do you perhaps have a map I could see?" He asked It, but to his surprise It suddenly looked confused.

"Do you not per chance have a P.A.L?" it asked and it was his turn to be confused. "P.A.L. Personal Assistance Laborer. Generally sentient beings above level C are paired with a artificial or virtual intelligence generally in the form of a wristwatch or handheld device to help the circumnavigate Homeworld's often confusing geology. I cannot offer you a map, however I can show you to a nearby electronics shop where you may purchase a P.A.L!" She finished with a sweeping gesture with her arms to demonstrate the shop in question lie ahead.

Rey felt like a little assistance would go a long way, but another problem rose out of this, a problem he almost should have seen coming from the moment he got here. "I don't know if I have any money," he said more to himself than to the hologram. Money was something he didn't have a lot of before all this, he wondered how much money these assistants cost or if this world even used money as he knew it. But before he realized it he had started following the floating little hologram as it lead him over walkway after walkway until eventually they arrived at a store with two huge glass doors.

The store surprised him in it's familiarity. It was like most small electronic stores he used to know. Phones and watches glistened from displays and shelves throughout the store. The cashier looked like a more or less like a normal human woman, only with an extra eye on her forehead.

"Hello! Welcome to Tetra-V.I, your one stop shop for consumer virtual intelligence." She said.

"Um, hey. I'm sort of new to this... planet? Do you think you have something to help me out?" He asked, trying to meet all three of her eyes.

"Of course!" and she proceeded to walk him around the store, pointing at various gadgets and do-dads until she got down to a kind of tablet. "And this is our children's line 'Basic Bobby's Toddling Tablet'! Very easy to use, but it's mostly for children."

"How much?" Rey asked. He would rather walk around with a children's toy than spend hours fiddling around with some of the other contraptions she showed him, one of which required at least 6 fingers more than he had.

"22,000 Credits!" She announced.

Rey gulped. That certainly didn't sound like a small amount of money. He checked his pockets and realized he had left all of "his" personal belongings on the table in the apartment. "Sorry, I seemed to have left my wallet at home," he said as he turned to back out of the store. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

He had absolutely no intentions of going back in there.

After a swift exit from the store. He began walking back home, thinking to ramble through 'his' possessions. Try to understand who he was before he was himself. He shook his head, but mid-shake he heard a robotic sigh from just in front of him. He looked up, but the walkway was empty.

He started walking down the walkway again and he heard small shuffling from a Metal box that was sitting near the edge to his left. He opened the box and there was a small yellow orb-like robot inside.

They stared at each other for a while before the droid lifted itself out of the box. "Did you need to throw something away?" It said in a feminine voice. It sounded sad.

It was only then did Rey look down an see that the box was indeed full of garbage. Someone had thrown this poor robot away. "Who are you?"

It was strange the way the floating droid seemed to 'perk up' at these words. Lights that were dim suddenly shined and blinked. "Oh! Uh, sir! I am Weebo! I am a, I mean WAS a P.A.L assistant to my former master, but he died and old and outdated as I am, I was thrown out." She deflated when she said this.

"Um, I could use some help." Rey said. Weebo zoomed right up to his face, still smelling slightly of garbage.

"You mean it? I can assist you?" She asked. Rey nodded and she did a sort of midair jig and cheered. "You have no idea how much this means to me!" She exclaimed.

"You don't say?" Was all he could muster. In his world a real talking robot would be invaluable, and the inventor would have surely have gotten a Nobel prize at the very least. In this world they could just throw robots in the trash. "Well let's head back to my apartment and get you washed up."

As it turns out, there was a LOT to learn about homeworld, so much so that he didn't even know that what he thought was a hotel was actually an apartment, and the closet wasn't just a closet but also a restroom, kitchen and living room that rotated on command. After a short washing in the bathroom sink, Weebo told him that he was currently on one of several super continents that this planet was host to. The planet itself was massive, but something about the rotation and density of the mantle meant that gravity was almost perfectly similar to Earth's. There were thousands of sapient species that called this planet home, and each one was assigned an intelligence rating, starting with F; which was insect like, all the way up to A; near omnipotence. It didn't surprise him however when she told him that Homeworld wasn't the only planet in the galaxy to be inhabited by either aliens or Homeworld colonist.

"I'd be more surprised if it was honestly," he said. He told Weebo that he needed a little break as he collapsed backward onto his bed. The room was now coated in the silvery blue of moonlight, while the steady hum of Weebo's propulsion that kept her afloat filled the silence that followed the conversation.

Suddenly the door burst open.

Rey shot up like a rocket, his hair standing on the back of his neck. Looking towards the door he saw a haggard looking Judy, Nick right behind her.

For a second she looked at him, breathing heavily. "We need to leave now," she said breathlessly. "You're going to see the grand council."

Chapter 4: THE GRAND COUNCIL

As tired as he was, the news shot through him like lightning. Weebo had only mentioned the grand council in passing but he could tell they were big news, they were in layman's terms the leaders of Homeworld and it's many interplanetary colony's. Judy was holding his hand as she walked him to the car. She for one looked absolutely mortified.

"Judy, are you okay?" He asked. He understood her nervousness a bit, but were they really so scary?

"The Grand Council are extremely busy, dignitary's and politician's wait have to wait years sometimes to speak to them. It's not like them to make exceptions like this. I'm just worried about what they might do." She said.

Nick put his hand on Judy's shoulder as he walked behind them.

Rey was expecting to have a long car ride to wherever it was he would need to go, instead out on the walkway he saw two extremely large and heavily armored men. Even in the dark of night they seemed to glow, their metallic golden armor making them look like eight foot tall gold pillars, the display of wings and skulls etched and fastened to the suits gave them an odd 'holy' appearance.

"As captain of the 21st regiment of the Adeptus Custodes, it is my duty to deliver you to the Grand Council at once. , I appreciate your assistance, but if you would stand back please." One of the men said. His voice was deep and authoritative and there was a slight static coming from his helmet.

Rey looked back at Judy and Nick. They did as the captain said and back stepped away from them a few paces. Judy gave him a small wave, still looking worried. Nick was still as unreadable to Rey as he had been from the start. He suddenly felt a very large hand clasp his arm.

"Do not move." the captain instructed, and before he know it, the walkway with Nick and Judy had exploded in a flash of blue light. He wasn't quite sure what had happened but in the instant between the explosion and now, it felt like he had been dropped a thousand feet in one second. His stomach turned instantly and he dropped to his knees.

The ground he noticed, was marble, fine gold designs laid just under the surface depicting planets and stars, and before he knew it he had looked up. The room was extremely large and extraordinarily grand, decadence didn't begin to describe it. Nearly everything seemed to be gold, lined with gold, embroidered with gold or reflecting the gold off of it's pearly white surface. Every color vivid and every minute detail perfect.

In front of him were three grand thrones. In the first throne on his left, sat a man in the same golden armor as the captain from before, but he was far more impressive. A golden halo of fire floated above his long dark hair. He wore a scowl, but it did not detract from his looks. It was hard to meet his eyes. In the second throne in the middle was what looked alike a horse, but she wore a golden crown that didn't hide the massive horn that protruded from her mystical hair that flowed in a non-existent wind. Her coat was pearly white which almost hid her large wings, her purple eyes rested on him. In the last throne on his right was a far less impressive man than the other two. He had long silver hair and beard, he wore half-moon glasses and his nose seemed crooked. He wore long flowing dark blue robes specked with silver stars. He was watching Rey from over the top of his glasses, seeming to look right though him like an X-ray.

"Your lordship, the one you sought," The captain said bowing. The golden man on the throne did not look at him, but made a dismissive wave of his hand. The captain and the other guard both hastily retreated from the center of the room, leaving Rey alone with the Grand Council. The captain took his place in a circle of guards that ringed the room all the way around which Rey completely missed, they blended in with all the gold.

"I take it you know who we are?" The golden man asked.

The words chilled Rey to the bone. What was this? The man on the throne had asked him a question, but it seemed like much more somehow, like his life hanged in the balance. There was something about that man, as if he commanded a divine power..

"A little but not much sir." Rey said, still on his knee. He did not want to meet that man's gaze.

"Come now Emperor, you're going to frighten him to death!" Said a female voice. Rey guessed that it was the unicorn pegasus. The Pegacorn. "There's no need to be afraid dear, we won't hurt you."

A warm relief passed over him like a wave, and he suddenly untensed in the neck which he was unaware he was even doing.

"It appears introductions are in order." The old man said, his voice was kind, playful even. "I am Albus Dumbledore, and we are the Grand Council as you may know. I for one foresee all matters pertaining to magical, supernatural and the occult. I make sure those who possess extraordinary ability use those powers for the right reasons."

"I am Princess Celestia." Said the Pegacorn. "I am an alicorn," Alicorn. "and I oversee the welfare of all non-human and non-robotic life in the empire, I am also the dignitary of peacekeeping galaxy-wise so human or not, I'm a friend to everyone."

"And I." Rey snapped to attention. "Am the Emperor of mankind. All of humanity falls under my jurisdiction, I am also in charge of all warfare and combat against the many enemies of the empire. So forgive me if I am not as... Approachable." The Emperor finished. His tone was harsh and commanding, and also a little weary.

"As for the reason you are here," began Dumbledore. "We are no strangers to visitors from different planes of reality here, and there are many different realms indeed. But imagine all of these places and the one we reside in now as one large ball, this is our universe. Everything that exists or will exist is in this ball." He held a hand up and cusp an imaginary ball. "You are different however. It seems that you come from an entirely different ball altogether, which frankly is astounding. We guessed of course that there might be such a place but never would have guessed that we could intermingle with them you see."

"Right and wrong are two sides of the same coin." The Emperor said. "Your soul was an unknown quantity that 'ZAMNS' pulled into our world. Your morals could be completely the opposite of ours, you could possess dangerous knowledge about the workings of reality, you could have even been a criminal in that world of yours that we've now introduced to ours to continue your 'work'." He started at Rey with a blazing look. "ZAMNS has been decommissioned on my order and the men responsible is being tracked down as we speak, We do not know how they managed to do such a thing and now we have to figure out what to do with you. Potentially dangerous as you are, I proposed to have you executed but my fellow council members disagree."

Rey was starting to freak out internally. Was the Emperor really going to have him killed?

"Relax small one," the Emperor said. "My cohorts have talked me out of that particular plan of action for the time being. I will let the Princess fill you in on the alternative arrangements, and please hurry. Time is short."

Celesta was glaring at the Emperor who wasn't looking at her, obviously upset with him. "Don't take it personally, the Emperor here acts for the protection of everyone. Trust me when I say that Dumbledore and I went into hysterics when he suggested it."

"How very rude of us to offer the very first visitor from a parallel universe a swift demise!" Dumbledore said jovially. It appears that he's enjoying talking to someone who isn't a politician.

"It wouldn't be the first time I've kicked the bucket." Rey said in reply but Dumbledore didn't laugh, he leaned forward and peered over his glasses at Rey.

"Indeed?"

"Oh! I'm sorry. It's just that well, I was actually on my deathbed right before I came here, I uh. Got hit by a truck." He said slowly, faltering under the look that the Emperor was giving him.

"Oh my." Celestia said. "I'm so sorry to hear that."

" So who am I now? Who was Rey Spartan, and what does that make me?" Rey said, his voice being slightly more unsteady with every word. He was starting to get a little emotional. He had stopped himself from thinking about it, but that wasn't his body, this was another person he was inside.

"That," Dumbledore began. "We do not know. Trillions are under our indirect care and unfortunately we don't know all of them. In the short time we had to prepare for this very sudden meeting, we only managed to find out that the person you were was rendered brain dead in an accident sometime in the last year or so. It was an experimental and dangerous procedure that brought you here, you are in-fact Rey's parallel universe equivalent. They were attempting to revive Rey's memories and personally, in short his soul from a functionally identical parallel universe of ours. They were probably not planning on bringing in his equivalent from a completely different universe altogether, which is of course what ended up happening."

Rey's head was spinning from Dumbledore's explanation. "So what do I do now?"

"You will need to be monitored only for a little while of course. The original Rey's memories could seep into your mind, driving you insane or your memories could suddenly zip back to your original universe and leave the body vegetative again. That is where our dear ms Celestia comes into play." Dumbledore made a sweeping gesture towards Celestia, who bowed to him.

"Thank you Dumbledore, I have arranged for you to stay with my most loyal student and fellow princess in her home in Ponyville, she will study you and your world while you study ours. You will stay there for a minimum of one month up to a maximum of three depending on what we learn."

One to three months of staying with a horse woman, in a town called Ponyville in which time he may or may not go insane or die at any moment.

The Emperor cleared this throat impatiently.

"Alright. I'll go." He said. He had just noticed how tired he was, he needed a good long sleep and to digest all this information in the morning. "Can I go back to my place for tonight though?"

"Of course," Celestia said. Her horn had started to glow with yellow energy. "Good luck young one. I'll send a message to my student Twilight. But before you go, I want to say that I know you might be feeling guilty, but that body of yours was inert and you were dying or dead. You've been given a rare second chance at life, whatever happens try to enjoy yourself and don't worry about things you can't control." Her horn was nearly blindingly bright now. "Good night."

Rey was back in his room, Celesta's golden sparkles illuminated his rooms for a split second and vanished midair. He sighed, a million questions on his mid but as he turned to face his bed he discovered he was not alone. "Judy? Nick?"

Judy sprang from the bed and bounded up to him. "I'm so glad you're alright! I didn't know what they were going to do!" She gave him a hug around waist height. "So, what are they like?"

He was smiling in earnest for what seemed like the first time that night. He sat on the edge of his bed and Judy joined him. "Celestia and Dumbledore are cool, the Emperor scares me a little but I've been told not to take it personally, he could just be a scary person in general."

"I can't believe they actually made the time for you." Nick said. He unlike Judy had actually been lying in Rey's bed since he came in. "Must be important."

Rey chuckled. "Turns out I'm from a whole different universe. I'm supposed to go to this 'Ponyville' tomorrow and stay with a princess for a while..." He trailed off. He hadn't known them very long, but Judy and Nick would be headed back to Zootopia tomorrow and he felt like he would miss them. "We probably wont see each other for a while. Maybe ever."

Judy patted his leg. "Cheer up big guy, we'll stay the night if you want."

"And where would you sleep?"

Nick made a show of fluffing the pillow he was laying on before laying his head back down on it.

Too tired to argue, Rey had no energy to work out whether spending the night, let alone sleeping in the same bed as two strangers was normal in this world. He simply flopped face down on the bed next to Nick, followed shorty by Judy on his right and was asleep before he knew it.

Chapter 5: THE BOOK PRINCESS

Morning invaded Rey's consciousness, forcing him awake. The sunlight washing the room in the familiar orange glow from the day before. He could hear the soft breathing of his sleeping cohorts. Nick was sprawled out sleeping in a random fashion whereas Judy was curled up small. For a second he thought he might start feeling embarrassed that he had slept together with them, but the feeling never came, if anything he felt more affection for them now opposed to if they would have just left last night.

He carefully avoided waking them as he made his way to the bathroom for a change of clothes. By the time he was finished Judy and Nick were awake and talking to Weebo.

"You guys are totally going to lose your badges," Rey said as he walked into the room. "Sleeping at a civilian's house? That's got to be against some kind of rule."

Nick who hadn't moved from the spot he had slept in and had only sat upright gave a wide yawn. "It was orders, we had to keep an eye on you. True, it was supposed to be a stakeout but I don't think the boss would have objected to this plan of action either," the last part sounded strained as he stretched on the bed, a couple joints popping audibly.

Rey had started to feel dejected until Judy chimed in. "Bah, I would have insisted we stayed over anyway, even if it wasn't for the orders. You're my friend and this world must feel big and confusing! I woudn't leave you to blow in the wind like that."

Rey was touched and glad she said it, she was his friend and it wasn't until then that he realized how much he needed a friend right now.

"Oh, Rey!" Judy called as she bounded over to him. "I gave your robot my contact ID, that way we can talk no matter where you are. Don't know why I didn't bring it up last night."

"To be fair, it was a long night," Nick said as he picked up the watch that was sitting on the cabinet next to where the letter was. "Hey, isn't this a A.I. wristband? Why do you have a .A.I band and Weebo, isn't that kind of redundant?"

Weebo gave a kind of indignant huff, as she flew into the door who's label now read 'Kitchen.'

Rey shrugged. "I have no idea what any of that stuff is. I might figure it out with time, but for now I'll leave it alone. I.."

A knock at the door interrupted him, Judy was quickest to the door and opened it. Two of the horse-like beings wearing golden armor were standing side by side. They did not come in.

"Rey," One of them said. "In accordance to your pledge to Princess Celestia, you are to accompany us to Ponyville Immediately."

Rey, Judy and Nick exchanged glances. They knew it was time to go.

"Weebo, look after the place. If all goes well, I should be back in three months I think." He called, Weebo who had only just hovered back into the room, gave him a nod.

Rey didn't even have time to say anything before once again Judy had tackled him again, only this time it was to embrace him in a very hard hug. He wrapped an arm around her and hugged her back, he tried to put a lot of unspoken gratitude into the hug, which only lasted a moment.

"Contact us as soon as you get back, with any luck we'll still be stationed here, if not we can see about getting you flown over to visit us in Zootopia," Nick said as Judy and Rey's hug broke.

Rey nodded and gave Nick a fist bump and with that, he bid Nick and Judy farewell and turned to leave with the guards. He saw Judy and Nick over his shoulder, go back into the apartment to presumably get their things.

The stroll down the walkway was just as quiet as it was with the custodes captain last night. "What do I call your kind, if you don't mind me asking?" Rey asked.

"Ponies." He replied as he shepherded Rey into what seemed to be a hot air balloon. His voice was less formal than it was at the door, but still very stiff and formal. "Keep all limbs and appendages inside the balloon please, also you might want to brace yourself if you're not used to teleportation."

Rey knew what was coming next, but he didn't think he would ever get used to being in one place, then suddenly being somewhere else because in a flash of blue/white light they were soaring in the balloon over acres of countryside and forests. It wasn't long before Rey noticed the town far below them.

The town wouldn't look out of place in the medieval era, with thatched roof and cobbled bridges except the town and in fact the whole area seemed oddly colorful and vibrant, almost pastel. It was a pleasing effect on the whole. The only thing that really stood out more than the colors was the enormous crystal tree with a castle on top at the edge of the town, and he had a feeling that was exactly where he was headed.

His suspicious were correct, as the balloon floated over the town and on to one of the balcony's of the towering building. He clambered out of the balloon onto the balcony, his feet still wobbly from the teleportation sickness. The balcony itself was lightly furnished with a couple of benches and a long pair of purple curtains that presumably led inside. Rey wondered vaguely what kind of person Celesta's student was, she told him that they were a fellow princess as well.

Whatever he was expecting, it was not the short violet purple pony that marched out of the castle. She was much smaller than Celestia like the guards, and only came up slightly above his waist. She had purple eyes and a purple and pink streak in her hair, and like Celestia she also had wings and a horn.

"You're Rey right? The human Celestia told me about?" Her voice was light and conversational.

He nodded, but thought after it and bowed instead.

She giggled. "You don't have to bow! I'm Twilight Sparkle, er Princess Twilight Sparkle but you can just call me Twilight, all my friends do."

Rey didn't know whether to be relived or taken aback by how informal the princess was. "Yeah, that's me," he said. "Pleased to meet you."

He offered his hand in a handshake, but was just about to retract it after realizing ponies have four feet and no hands before she extended a hoof, placed it in his grasp and shook it.

"You don't have any experience interacting to ponies do you?" she asked, almost jovially as if he were a sort of interesting curio.

"No. Before yesterday, I've never talked to anything except for humans. Sorry."

"No no! Don't apologize! I'm excited to introduce you to life in Ponyville and get you accustomed to dealing with all kind of xeno races! It's not that hard, as long as you treat everyone like a person, you wont run into any problems."

And with that, she spent part of the day showing him around the castle. Twilight was very well read, and during the tour of the castle, she went on at length about scores of books that she thought he should read before the weeks out to help him cope.

By the end of the tour it was about mid day, Rey and Twilight had just re-arrived in the thrones room.

"And that concludes the tour of the castle. Any questions?"

"I do. When's lunch?" He tried not to sound rude, but he really was quite hungry.

Twilight looked bemused as she gave a small giggle. "I'll go grab something, have a seat."

Twilight's castle really was something to behold. All throughout the castle, beautiful purple crystals seemed to grow from the walls and floors, forming magnificent archways around doors and windows. The walls and floor were made of some unidentifiable smooth material somewhere between stone and wood. Here and there were accents of solid gold.

The door swung open a moment after Rey took a seat marked with three apples. A small green thing waddled into the room, seemingly half asleep. Rey said nothing as it sat in the one unmarked seat next to what was obviously Twilight's seat.

He yawned. "G'moning Applejack, did you do something different with your hair?" He mumbled in a daze.

Rey chuckled, he knew as soon as the sleep worked it way out of his small body, he would know that Rey wasn't Applejack, whoever that was. He would have told him himself but he thought the comedic exasperation would be worth it, and he was proven correct when the sleepy creature's half-lidded eyes swept over the room, glanced at him then did one of the largest double takes he had ever seen.

"Sweet Celestia, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" He said loudly. Indeed he was taking deep breaths to steady himself. "You must be our guest Twilight told me about. I'm Spike, Twilight's assistant."

Rey introduced himself and explained why he would be staying. Spike was a good listener, and after he finished simply grunted in approval, as if he had been told a distant relative had been invited to spend the week. "I take it that's not the strangest thing that's happened to you before? A visitor from an alternate reality?"

"It's not that, but weird stuff happens all the time. One of my friends is friends with a guy called Discord, and he's the king of weird stuff happening, I once saw him pour a glass of chocolate milk, drink the glass and throw the milk over his shoulder for it to shatter. I doubt you're going to top that."

"Ooo, point taken." Rey said as Twilight appeared suddenly in the room in a flash of purple light, a silver tray of sandwiches and two glasses of water in magical tow. She smiled as she levitated them onto the table, slightly obscuring part of the detailed holographic map.

"I see you've met Spike, my number one assistant."

"Aw shucks Twilight, you're embarrassing me in front of the new guy," He said, not even slightly embarrassed as he took one of the sandwiches.

Rey took one of the sandwiches as well. He didn't really bother to look at what the sandwich contained and was surprised to find that it tasted of wheat bread and grass. He looked down at the sandwich to see little dandelion leaves stuffed between the two slices.

"Dandelion sandwiches! I made them myself, though of course Spike makes them better than I do."

Rey thought about what to say. In truth, the sandwiches were pretty bad, It was in fact like eating a salad with all the fun stuff taken out on top of a very soggy flavorless crouton. He grinned. "Thanks Twilight, I've never had anything like it before."

Twilight beamed at him, unaware of his invisible struggle to finish the rest of the sandwich. "Now that we've been fed and watered, let's get down to brass tacks," Twilight said in a staunchly business like tone. "Over the course of this next week, Celestia has tasked me on recording certain aspects about you, physical and mental. As a Princess, I simply don't have the time to take a week off to thoroughly ascertain your qualities, luckily my friends have agreed to shoulder some of the burden."

"Sorry to be a bother," he said, a little stung by the use of the word 'burden'.

"Oh no! I didn't mean it like that!" She spluttered, "What I meant was give me a helping hoof with helping you! I never should have said that."

Rey didn't say anything but sighed and nodded.

"Yeah, okay. Well, there are six attributes we need to test you on, three physical and three mental. Strength, stamina, and powers make up the physical while Sociability, compassion, and intelligence make up the mental. You'll be assessed by one pony a day in the order I listed, each a specialist in their own right at each of these subjects. You'll spend tonight here and tomorrow you'll meet up with applejack to start strength testing, but first we need to visit Ponyville hospital."

"Why's that?"

"To get your physical of course!"

And with that, Rey, Twilight and Spike all left the castle to go and visit the Ponyville hospital. It was a good twenty minute walk across town, not that he complained about it. It was a beauteous day outside, stunningly blue skies reflected off of the occasional stream the crossed over a bridge, nary a cloud in sight and bright sunlight seemed to make every color just that much more vivid. It all blended to create a calming, soothing walk.

The physical itself however, was far from soothing. The checkup required him to strip down to his underwear because, "I don't have x ray vision! You could be covered in spider bites and you'd never be able to tell under all these clothes!"

He had barely gotten out of his shirt before the gasp of surprise and horror took him by surprise. Looking down, he saw his bare chest for the second time and he was surprised that he didn't notice before. His chest was covered in what looked to be tiny thin surgical scars and also about four small metal holes fitted on his lower ribs and collar bones. There were more of these scares and holes on his lower body too.

The rest of the check up went in a similar vein. The doctor drew blood that was not a deep dark red but a bright scarlet color, his reflex to the hammer below the knee was so fast and strong Rey was propelled a few inches off of the bed with the force of it and the poor nurse nearly feinted during the 'turn your head and cough' portion. After all was said and done, the verdict was such, "Well he's as healthy as can be, a little TOO healthy if you ask me, but there isn't anything to worry about, except his kick." And with that, they left the clinic.

"I wonder what this guy- I mean, MY deal was. I knew this body was in good condition, but I didn't expect all that." Rey wondered aloud.

"So you're like, real strong huh?" Spike asked, picking up a few small stones. "Throw this rock up as high as you can!"

Rey opened his palm to receive the small stone, he stole a glace at Twilight who was looking disapproving but not interrupting. He pulled his arm back to throw it and he felt a strange sensation he had never had before as if trying to gauge exactly how much power to put into the throw and he knew as if by instinct that it was dangerous to go beyond what he felt as 'halfway." He tossed it. WOOSH! He didn't even feel his arm move, but then again how can you feel something that moved that fast? He heard the clacking of pebbles and when he looked down there was a small dust cloud underneath where his arm was.

"Sweet Celestia. Looks like Applejack's got her work cut out for her, he?" Spike said.

Chapter 6: MANE SIX ASSESMENTS

Applejack as it turned out was Rey's strength tester as he found out the next day. After the clinic, Rey and company made their way back into the castle and Rey was shown to the guest room where he spent the rest of the day just thinking about everything that had happened so far. When he awoke the next day, Twilight informed him that his first assessor was waiting for him in the thrones room.


End file.
